8/9 Central

If I was unknowingly the main character in the Truman Show (which, full disclosure, would have been canceled years ago for lack of compelling action and character development)—but say it hadn’t been canceled and there were secret cameras telecasting my every move—I’m pretty sure there’d be fan theories on those TV show discussion forums about whether or not I was secretly insane. I live alone in a single bedroom apartment with a cat and a loftice, which means I go no holds barred crazy person, especially at night when the sun goes down. What it has to do with the sun going down is beyond me, but there it is. I leave the bathroom door open at all times, talk to my cat in a Muppet voice, and laugh suddenly and without warning as amusing thoughts come to me.

Case in point: tonight I was getting ready for bed, thinking about the original Star Wars (like you do) and about that awful CGI George Lucas added to his series because he can’t keep his mitts to himself, and I was specifically visualizing that moment in the special edition of the first movie where Han Solo walks on Jabba the Hutt’s tail like the crime boss wouldn’t have immediately had him shot by his minions for blatant disrespect, and, naturally, Pizza the Hutt from Spaceballs popped into my head. So I’m standing there in the shower in a dead quiet apartment, save for the sound of running water and the quiet desperation of an old bathroom fan trying to keep up with the steam, and out from behind the dark of the full bath’s curtains (because I find it relaxing to shower in low light with only a nightlight casting weird shadows up the wall) comes this single, dramatic line:

“…and he ATE himself to death.”

I have said nothing else out loud this entire evening. I am going to giggle once, a little shrilly, tell my cat I love her in Mokuba Kaiba’s voice, and take myself off to bed. Check back here tomorrow at 8/9 Central for our next installment of the Truman’s Going Insane Show.

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5 Responses to 8/9 Central

  1. Mark my words says:

    8/9 Central? I’ll roll with that if you are online (or wishing you were) at 8 Mountain Time. Otherwise, we be in a bit of a warp with Jabba, Han, George, and Ringo, plus Seto’s younger brother, in the Eastern Twilight Zone. 8 Twilight/9 Central. That works for me. You’re good. Thanks for the post.

    • Your Local Friendly IT Guy says:

      What is time? It’s just, like, a construct, man…
      Also, is it just me, or was that line always super confusing. Why are we grounded to Central? And how does that affect me vs. the West coast vs. the East coast? So many questions as a young person. So little explanation. (And so little research done on whether West/East should actually be capitalized or not in that sentence, so I’ve caved and not capitalized “coast” for the best of both worlds.)

      • A.L. Schultz says:

        Oh yeah, as a kid I had no idea what that meant. Eventually I figured out that it mean never our time.

        And since you ask: west and east are lowercase when referring to a direction, but capitalized when they’re referring to a region: i.e. West Coast and East Coast. You caved wrong, duude.

  2. Your Local Friendly IT Guy says:

    Also also, your comment on George’s CGI changes got me spinning down the rabbit hole of too many things, webcomics, comments, posts, etc., that finally led me to my final thought on the matter:

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