Chunky Milk

I tried to eat cereal for breakfast this morning, but twisted the cap off the gallon container only to discover that half the remaining milk was floating like some sort of slimy landmass on top of the still liquid other half. It went down the drain with the sound and feel (it poured in lurching fits and starts out of the container in my hand, jerking as I tried to hold it steady) of a little kid gulping down soft lumps of food, and I used the garbage disposal afterwards to make sure it was dead.

If you never hear from me again, the milk rolled back up and out of the sink, pulled itself across the counter, plopped onto the floor, left a long, viscous trail from the kitchen to the bedroom, and throttled me in my sleep.

This has been your I-nearly-gagged update for the week. Thank you for your time.


Oh my word, I just had a flashback to the scariest episode of the scariest TV show of all time. The Sister will appreciate this from our long ago summers at Grandma and Grandpa’s in duh UP:

We referred to this episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark? simply as “Blue Chunks,” for pretty self-explanatory reasons. This clown fellow (“The Ghastly Grinner,” or so the internet has informed me) infected all of the adults in our main characters’ lives like so:

Remind me again, Boonder, why we always made sure to catch this particular show? Television programming bored you easily, but don’t think I’ve forgotten that we watched this one at your insistence.

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4 Responses to Chunky Milk

  1. The Sister says:

    Eewww… I can’t believe you put gifs… so creepy. I’m in my thirties and still don’t want to see those. I’m afraid to read your post for looking at them. And yes, I scrolled down quickly when the images showed up so I wouldn’t have to see them. I may never finish reading this post…

    • A.L. Schultz says:

      Ha! Still totally your fault I even know that thing exists. You loved that stinkin show. I don’t think I could sleep the night we watched it.

  2. Your Local Friendly IT Guy says:

    You do know that with pasteurized milk it is still perfectly safe to drink. I don’t see a problem here at all! Well… maybe the taste. 😛

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