I know, I KNOW

I very nearly made it two months without an upload. If it weren’t for my meddling IT Guy, I would have gotten away with it too. He sent me notice that he had performed some housekeeping on the tech side of the site, and then very gently insulted me. (“Also, haven’t commented on there yet, but you be approachin’ that two month mark. :P”) The nerve of some people.

(Also, a good deal more seriously: Danke schön, Herr Schtep-Hen!)

Part of his email also included instructions on ways in which I could fix some of the problems I’ve been complaining about for the past two and a half years. You likely won’t notice any of these edits, but since I have nothing else to talk about I am going to point them out. I’ve spent the morning cleaning up my menus (the only thing of real interest here is that I added a rhymed description to the Poetry Page and created a novella section on the Story Page; it only seems fair to let people know what they’re in for when they click on a link) and going through my blog, scouring each post for videos that I can replace with links to my YouTube page. Yes, I have a YouTube account. It exists solely as a repository for my videos.

But the real discovery this morning was this: that the titles for my blog posts are ludicrously unhelpful. That said, these titles do—when viewed in order with the chaff removed—imply an intriguing story, involving the murder of an officer of the law:

This is not how I want to go
A Nickel’s Worth of Free Advice
I find public confession cathartic – don’t mind me
For Blood and Money
We Attack at Dawn
I’d say I have a good excuse, but
TODAY IS NOT THAT DAY
I guess it actually WAS me, officer
Well – There you go
I don’t get no respect
My Honor demands I pick up that glove and give satisfaction
Flying Officer Irv Peterson Bites the Big One

The story having turned ugly, we then get into the psychology of guilt and a possible motivation behind the tragic death of Officer Peterson:

And I would’ve gotten away with it too
They Found Me
In the meantime
I’m Back (sort of)
Requiem for a missed chance
Radio Blackout
All Quiet on the Midwestern Front
In fact
GASP
Schizophrenia
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
HOLY CRAPOLI
Foiled Again
FOR SHAME

In the next section, a desperate escape attempt follows:

AA666
Nine Million Feet in the Air
Homebound
Yeah, but who’s driving this thing
Wait
What SAY you
Point Is
Congrats, I guess
Liquor on Isle 2
Whoa buddy
Well, here you go
Abandon All Hope
Until Morale Improves

Morale, however, never improves, as the story ends, like all tragedies do, in Chicago:

Unseen Crackdown
No Harry Don’t Look at the Light
The Last of the Light Bleeds Out
The Black Hole of the Midwest

Mind you, this does not take into account such posts as “Eyebrows in Heaven”; “I live somewhere in the vicinity of the Wood Between the Worlds and an English-to-Idiom Dictionary”; “Rhymes with Idiot”; “Schmidiot”; “The Many Faces of the Lernaen Hydra”; “Adventure Time with These Guys”; “By Hook or by Crook”; “King Friday Speaks”; and “There is no entry in Microsoft’s thesaurus for the word snot.”

(Though, now that I lay these out in order too, it appears there was also a high-adventure epic fantasy woven between the grittier threads of the noir novel at play in the foreground.)

On a totally serious note, it must also be pointed out that, since I’ve only tagged approximately 5% of my posts with appropriate descriptors, your best bet for locating anything on my site is to Google it. Still, I do find it poignant that the blog post left standing for nearly two months as the most recent update to thestoryfolder.com was the diatribe about Chicago (“The Black Hole of the Midwest”). The obvious implication being that the city truly did exhibit a gravitational acceleration strong enough to hold everything from particles to electromagnetic radiation to a 32-year-old office worker, once more inexorably sucked into an airport capable of deforming spacetime.

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8 Responses to I know, I KNOW

  1. Your Local Friendly IT Guy says:

    It’s like you planned this thing. It’s been the long con all this time!

  2. Meeting attender in chief says:

    I think I saw that Twilight Zone episode…

  3. The Sister says:

    We just checked out nine Scooby Doo books from the library today, so your post was quite fitting.

    Also, you really do spend a lot of time on YouTube…

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