We’re talking Real progress

A whopping 172 words for Pine & Meyer, but it still counts and I’m going to bed. But since just a word count report makes an equally pathetic blog post, here’s some of my favorite spam, recently gifted to me by the spambot overlords during the past two months while I was neglecting my blog. Because yes, though I trashed the rest of them ASAP, I absolutely keep my favorites until I have a chance to share them. Here’s the most recent:

“As I web site possessor I believe the content matter here is rattling magnificent, appreciate it for your efforts. You should keep it up forever!”

Apparently my spam is being ghost-written by skeletons again, since we’re back to the rattling descriptions. Made more suspicious by the fact that this particular piece of encouragement to keep it up beyond the end of the world was written by “Q’Lara Cream Review;” especially odd for a ghost writer who presumably doesn’t even have skin. And yes, it is a skin care product (“Will it Fight Your Wrinkles? Are you a sophisticated woman with a great sense of style and taste?” Oh, honey, let me tell you). I googled it, at terrible risk to my ad blocker, to make sure.

The other two pieces of spam I saved were written by the same poet, one after another, and they belong, immortalized, together and formatted into an actual poem. I have kept the sentences and original grammar intact to make sure I captured the exquisitely romantic tone, but I’ve added line breaks, a title, and switched the order of two of the lines for drama:

The Cat-Bird’s Vow
By Ibbotson Applegarth

Once in a blue moon,
my hips are completely,
and I got a plight of scrap in my trunk.
My plaits may be prickly,
And my chest are not enhance.

But I’m beautiful.
Marvelous me.

The mortal fruit upon the bough
Hands above the nuptial bed.
The cat-bird in the tree returns
The forfeit of his mutual vow.


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2 Responses to We’re talking Real progress

  1. Your Local Friendly IT Guy says:

    Five posts in the first seven days of 2019? Some deep philosophical thoughts coming from the spambots? What is this world coming too?!

    Keep up the good work. 😛

    • A.L. Schultz says:


      (And also, I’ve decided I regret not naming the poem “Marvelous Me.” I’ll have to use it as the title of my memoirs.)

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